Monday, December 6

Becoming a Man Part Empat; Habis semua gua punya patches

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Sambungan kronologi picisan Best Trick Ko Apa?

I was like "Apahal mamat ni?". I keep my cool and continue on observing the coolness on them, performing awesome-jaw-dropping tricks. Yeah, I was kinda jealous to see their ability on flipping their deck all way round. Compare to my skill, I'm just an amateur seeking a bit of glory while playing skateboard.

Ah, 2002 is the year I've been waiting for. I am free. I am no longer the servant of my library. I am no longer the servant for my class and I am no longer a servant for anyone. Feels like the old days where nobody realizes the existence of a retarded and a weirdo like me. I enjoy myself being nobody because being somebody is too burden for me. I am not a stupid; I am just too lazy to make full use of my brain.

"Berapa A anak ko dapat?"
"4A 4B je"
"Oh.."



That is another typical question from any makciks live near my place. Never thought that how many A's you got for your PMR could differentiate how clever or stupid are you. Lucky me, the result was neither 'cemerlang lah!, hebat dowh! terer bai!' nor 'bodoh gila!, bebal lah!, sah bangang!'. In fact, I am kinda surprised to see the result was much better than I thought.

Days by days and months by months, I enjoy being myself again. No one would bother about what I do and what I did. It's not that I don't have any friends the thing is my so-called-friends are too cool to be my friend. Yeah, they are nice people. I can't see how they can mingle happily with a drop-out like me.

Last time I spent months playing skateboard and the result? Lame ollie and one-place-kickflip. It was nothing. I quit playing that stuff but it doesn't mean I hate it. I still enjoy watching X-Games. I went to latest Philips X-Rage and other local skate competition too. Shortly after that, a new page appears in my life. I involved myself into something different from a normal life - the new wave of bawah tanah movement.

No one would bother listening to this kind of music. Hard, extreme and unpleasant. Last time I bought Westlife Coast to Coast and it was ok. In fact, I share my money with my big brother just to buy an album of BSB compilation. Then, a friend of mine shows me this, new stuff he said. I listen to it and immediately I reply;

"Pergh, apo ni bai?"
"Bollocks. Dak pilah ni. Amacam?'
"Gilo aih..."

The music is certainly not for the mainstream ears but you know what? I rather gave it a listen than yet another typical album. I started to dig deeper and deeper. This might be the one I searching for. From Westlife I switch to Limp Bizkit. It is better but I am not into it. Chocolate Starfish and The Hot Dog Flavoured Water is too vulgar, atrocious and unpleasant. I can't imagine how they could swear too much in this album. I am too young for this and for sure, my mak will definitely slap my face before she kills me for listening to such thing. Damn you Limp Bizkit.

Next I bought Nirvana. Then I bought Pearl Jam. I spend most of my money on Guns N Roses, Green Day, Sum41, Slayer and Metallica. I even bought a walkman from pasar malam which costs me nearly 40 ringgit. Never thought that a stingy kid like me would spend that huge amount of money on a walkman. Guess what? My nightmare becomes reality. That expensive walkman lasts only for a month. It started to sound like a a horny cat waiting to be fed. I am so devastated to be cheated by that pakcik from pasar malam. "Ni paling latest nak, boleh pasang loud speaker dan boleh rakam", I still remember clearly his words on convincing me to buy that walkman. Lucky me, my buddy give me his Sony Walkman to me since his father gave him a Sony Discman for his birthday. "Pergh, gila untung bapak belikan discman" I said it to myself.

Then I started to switch my attention on local stuff. I bought Seven Collar T-Shirt, Butterfingers, Disagree and even Langsuyr. Local scene is more happening than I thought. I went to few gigs around my place, I met new people and we also exchanged zines and newsletters to each other. I really like the spirit of D.I.Y.

I extremely like their music but I am not into the attitude, the ideology or the way they dress to show which scene are they from. I don't have spiky hair to show that I am a punk. I don't wear ripped jeans and flannel shirts along with simple clothing to show that I am a grunge. I am not a provocative like them. It's not easy to be bold when you are in doubt, and that is me. I am just a kid craving for something new in his life. I just like to be an worthless observant, observing things happening around me and I will decide on what will I do and what I will not do.

Last time I patch a Pearl Jam logo on my bag so my friends thought I am one of the besi-hitam-heads. I listen to Bathory, Hellhammer and Celtic Frost but I will never and never in my life doing things like marking or slicing my chin with a coin, drinking blood, having free sex or stomping on the holy Al-Quran. I am barely to touch a female so why on earth they accuse me on doing such thing? I spend Maghrib with my friends at the surau and play hide-and-seek for an hour before performing Isyak prayer. But most of the time my abah will ask me to recite the holy Al-Quran under his monitoring right after Maghrib thus preventing me from playing hide-and-seek with my friends. I may be a loser or a drop-out at school but I never did those faulty and sinful things. Dosa besar woi.


"Chegu, ni patch Pearl Jam lah, takde kena mengena langsung"

"Habis tu ni spike ngan button kat beg ni apa dia?"
"Ni aksesori perhiasan cikgu, bagi saya nampak cool"
"Awak ikut saya ikut bilik disiplin"

I am the only person in that class who follows that teacher to the detention room. I keep thinking who in the hell had the guts to report this to the 'authorities'. I stay calm and keep my cool like always because I know didn't do anything wrong. Then I see my friends in that detention room.

"Hoi, kau pon ada?"
"Haha...gua kena frame lah, sapa buat report ntah"

The teacher did a full body spot-check on us. My chin is good. My body doesn’t have any tattoos. I didn't wear any reverse cross in fact I found it sissy for a boy to wear a necklace. They throw away all my patches and spikes on my bag, "Rasa macam nak tempeleng je pengawas yang buang patches gua". The teacher gives us a good lecture and a long sermon because he thinks we are out of akidah. My friends and I are smiling to each other. The teacher found nothing and they let us go without any disciplinary action.

As for me, the besi hitam ideology is a joke. But musically I have to admit there are some qualities that I like. Raw and atmospheric. Some bands might over-focus on the ideology and the physical appearance. Music? Nothing but relentless undirected scream in the sea of noisy guitars.

I enter my classroom with a poker face and a brooding look. Never thought they could accuse and point their fingers "mamat ni lah budak blek metal tu chegu" at me, the one who always recites the doa before the class for Pendidikan Islam starts. Feels like slapping them with my left hand. Soon, the legendary bell rings. Time to go home. I walk away with sarcastic smile thinking about my lovely pathces, "Cis, habis semua gua punya patches".

p/s: Don't judge a goat by its smell. Don't underestimate us, them and yourself. Jangan lupa doa awal dan akhir tahun hijrah. Selamat menyambut Awal Muharram. Allah bless us all. Amin.

:)


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