Monday, November 22

The Innocent

(klik banner untuk visit kusut-blogs)

since weekend haritu internet aku mula naik lemak. amat mengefek mood aku utk menulis. and amat mengacau jadual posting aku utk harini. nasib baik turn aku bukan awal pagi. sempat la aku slow2 bikin entry ni. kalau malas baca komentar aku ni.. boleh la skip terus ke tajuk selang beberapa perenggan ye :D

minggu ni aku nk kongsi satu penulisan. hasil tulisan aku sendiri. walaupun aku copy paste cerita ni, tapi sebab copy dari blog aku, paste oleh aku dan penulis asal nye pun adelah aku, so sebagai pemilik karya, aku berhak la utk paste kat sini. tapi orang lain kalau nak paste kat tempat lain sila mintak izin ye terima kasih. bukan aku nak mintak bayaran (kecuali melibatkan duit lah) tapi lebih kepada nak tau kat mana hasil keje aku digunakan.

kepade yg penah baca cerita ni, aku tak ubah jalan cerita. cuma improve certain sentance je.

Karya ni adelah satu fiksyen. Takde kaitan dengan siapa2 dan menyentuh isu yg matang dan mungkin sensitif. Karya ni menggunakan perkataan yg 'strong' dan mungkin menyinggung perasaan pembaca. 
Reader discretion is adviced. terima kasih.

The Innocenct
by kusut

The electric kettle on boil. The tv left on but not being watched. Cheerful pictures hanging on the walls of this gloomy sad room.

It would have been the happiest place but the sobbing adolescent girl in the middle of the room denies happiness from spreading its warmth.

She did not plan any of this to happen. She did not even thought of her life to become so out of control so quickly. How a life is now lost and how she managed to do something so heartless to such a pure soul, her own flesh and blood.


She was from a normal happy family from a city in the south. Daughter of a bright teacher and a loving mum, she was brought up exceptionally well and could not have hoped for a better life. Jean had been a bright student and sailed through school.

Her life changed when she went to uni. She moved to a new town, on her own for the first time. She easily made new good friends and continued to excel in her studies. Growing up, she became interested in boys and in her third year of studies, she fell deeply in love for a boy a year older than her.

The boy is an architecture student, and a very talented interior designer. They met at their college cafeteria one afternoon when Jean was waiting for her lunch to be served and Rey unintentionally took her meal instead and, having a very short break and a direly empty stomach, dashed to the nearest empty seat. Jean, stunned and not impressed, stood in front of Rey and yelled 'Hey moron!' at the top of her lungs. the whole cafeteria went silent. Rey who was about to get his first bite froze for a moment; then suddenly his stomach growled so loudly that everyone could hear it. Jean couldn't be mad at him and felt a pang of guilt. They ended up having Rey's lunch and they sat together. Both of them missed their class that day.

When they broke up, it was the worst experience Jean had ever gone through. Rey had graduated and was offered a job overseas and they both did not believe in long distance relationship. It was a mutual breakup. The first few days she couldn't breathe. Even after a week she still couldn't eat. The first month, she couldn't pick herself up to go anywhere and she missed all her classes that month. Her friends finally stepped in and made sure she recovered, and after a week she was her cheerful self again.

She told everyone that it was because she got tired of crying, but the real reason was because she and Rey had started to talk again over the phone. Nobody suspected of anything because Jean was cheerful again. She attended classes and kept her grades up. She was to graduate and will start work immediately after graduation.

It was a couple of month before her graduation that Jean and Rey saw each other again. Rey had come back for a week for a short break. The first time they saw each other again, they could not contain their emotions any longer. That was when both of them realized how much they missed each other. That was when they knew how much they loved each other. That was also when both of them, smart as they were, both gave in to their young hearts' desire. They made love at Jean's apartment that night.

Both of them regretted the decision almost instantly after but both dared not say anything. Rey did not know the right words and it started to kill him. Jean had started to cry though she thought she had kept the tears in.

'You know i love you Jean. I promise to come back for you. I promise to be with you for the rest of my life.'

Jean just stared into Rey's eyes. Her right hand caressing his cheek softly. Yet she said nothing because she knew Rey will have to give up his career, his bright future, just to be with her and she did not want him to sacrifice too much.

Rey stayed for a couple of hours as they stared into each other's eyes in sorrowful silence. When Rey left, Jean broke into tears, feeling the worst mixture of sadness and regret and intense fear of her future, mostly, for the implications for their sinful actions.


Rey never did came back. He didn't really want to and Jean really did not want him to. Time and again Rey asked to meet but Jean would always say no. She had moved to a new place and lived alone. She never did tell him about her being pregnant and Rey never did know how to ask.

Jean could not bear the humiliation and shame being so young and pregnant and could not dare to tell anyone about it. She did not want the accusing eyes of strangers to look at her. She wouldn't dare tell her family and did not wish to be a disappointment to her parents.

In her mind, she is all alone and with no support and no where to go. The society detests women carrying a bastard child, and will think of her as an irresponsible slut. They do not remember their own life as a young person. They have forgotten how hard it is for the young to deal with intense emotions. Society is but an angry mob who beats down others to feel better of themselves.

In her desperation, she decided to keep the baby a secret; and when it is born, she'll find someone to take care of her.


When the baby came, things went out of control and Jean panicked. Giving birth is not an easy feat. Trying to keep it a secret from everyone else makes it even more stressful. Fighting the pain all alone in her dark apartment, she half wished that the baby did not survive. The baby did survive and when the pain stops for Jean, relief did not stay long enough. The baby started to cry a soft first cry which seem to Jean the loudest cry she had ever heard.

Jean panicked. She tried to calm the baby. She tried to tell her that everything is fine. She tried to make the baby understand that she did not need to cry so loudly. She held her. She shook her.. and she shook her again until the baby stopped crying.

Jean did not understand how life could be so cruel to her. She had everything planned and her life in order. How her adolescent emotions have betrayed her and thrown her into such mess.

Jean thought of her father, of her mother
Jean thought of Rey
'I shouldn't have panicked'
'I made a mistake and should have faced the consequences'
'I should have asked for help!'

In the middle of the dark room, the adolescent girl sobbed, her lifeless baby held tightly in the arms.

It is just too late for everyone.


In the news the next day, the media ran yet another story of an abandoned baby tragically left lifeless in front of a door of a surau. Arrogantly they described the action as inhuman and the parents of the unfortunate child as heartless. Nobody knew the truth how Jean wanted the innocent baby to be properly buried by the qariah of that surau. Nobody really cared for the innocent anymore

Mengenai Penulis Entri Ini :
kusut juga penulis untuk blog kusut-blogs. Anda boleh mengikuti beliau di sini pada setiap Isnin dan di @kusut. Untuk membaca semua hasil penulisan beliau di blog, anda boleh klik label kusut. Entry terbaru di blog beliau ketika ini ialah tentang Unstable Internet Could Lead to Health Problems.


Chip said...

Memang situation yang payah. Tapi, as usual, the innocents are the ones that suffer.

A related question: Apa pendapat kau (and everyone else, of course)kalau si pembuang anak (yang end up matilah) dijatuhkan hukuman sama dengan hukuman bunuh?

cik ain said...

chip, nk jwb pendapat anda. kalau ikut cik ain, mmg berbaloi di beri hukuman mati. sekejam org yg mmbunuh, lagi kejam mereka yg sanggup bunuh dan buang anak sndri. pandai buat, xberani tanggung!

Fina Sophie said...

read this before! n yeap btul la ada part2 awak edit kan. but why edit? rasa mcm dah okey tu :)

apa2 hal pun, sy lebih suka melihat sesuatu diselesaikan dgn cara pndekatan psikologi berteraskan agama. jean was so young, dibesarkan dlm keluarga yang normal dan happy, and her life (campus n family background) was all good. no wonder la dia mudah terperangkap dengan dgn jerat kehidupan yg mcm ni, she knows almost nothing about what life really is. of how cruel n unfair life could be. well, at least tu yg sy fhm ttg cerita ni :)

apapun, takkan semudah itu kalau jean benar2 diasuh dgn bukan perkara duniawi semata2. please dont put all the blame on her. kalau dah memang slut tu lain cerita la. plus, bunuh baby tu, obviously not her intention kan..

anyss said...

Ada masa, orang akan insaf bila perbuatan jahat yang dia buat dibalas dengan baik...macam dia lempar batu kat kita, kita bagi dia pizza besauuuu punya.

namun ada orang, kita buat baik macam manapun, dia memang tak akan insaf dah. lagi jahat adalah...

dan kita pula, kalau boleh memaafkan orang yang buat jahat tu, sangat bagus. cuma, sejauh mana kita mampu memaafkan mereka?

Ditemani Awan Gemawan Putih Kekabu Bak Biri-Biri Gemok

kusut said...

tu la. aku blame everything on the media. diorang ni nak berita sensasi je.. kadang2 orang tak salah pun bleh diorang buat nampak salah. ish

pendapat aku :
mungkin ekstrim utk jatuhkan hukuman mati. tapi mungkin dlm zaman sekarang ni.. agak perlu. cuma, bila terbukti yg pembunuhan tu disengajakan. so.. diorang ni ade peluang lagi la utk defend diri. which kalau terlepas pun diorang still sedar (harap2) the graveity of their actions

kusut said...

@cik ain
hehe berbaloi tu tak tau la. pada aku life satu manusia takkan sama dgn life manusia lain. hukuman tu, kalau perlu dijatuhkan, sangat unfortunate.

kesalahan membuang bayi ni bukan macam mencuri. kalau kita hukum macam mana pun, tapi takde edukasi, takde efek utk improve society, ape kebaikan hukuman tu? supaya orang yg rasa 'bagus' tu puas hati? that is even more unfortunate

kusut said...

hehe tukar sebab.. ntah le. seemed like a better idea at the time :P. selalu camtu.. bile baca ayat sendiri mesti rase nak tukar. pastu bulan depan bace balik rase patut takyah tukar lol

hidup camtu la kan.. kadang2 kita buat salah yg kecik.. kadang2 salah yg besar. and yes.. obviously she did not carry that child just so she could murder the baby. tapi kita yg terlalu cepat buat tanggapan yg diorang yg buang bayi ni bukan manusia.

kalau kita tanye bayi tu, dia salahkan mak dia tak?

kusut said...

sejauh mana? what would nabi muhammad do? hehe.

tapi kita bukan la sempurna. cuma kita nak maafkan ke tak maafkan ke.. jangan terlalu cepat menghukum. sebab menjatuhkan hukuman tu takkan pernah hak kita sepenuhnya IMO

Miss Kira said...

innocents will always be blame.. and hurts..

kadang2 bila manusia panik, dia tidak sedar apa yg diaorg lakukan..


humble.yat said...

saje nak share boleh, kwn sy berjaya membuatkan ibu yang buang bayi dipenjara..:-)(she is Deputy Public Prosecutor)

this is to show how serious this case..and still in execution..

harap2 bleh jadi teladan sebab bukan senang nak kesan ibu yg buang bayi ni...