Thursday, October 7

[Opt 2] Hana, never believe.

It has been 12 years since that incident. I’m already a grown up girl now. I still live with my family. I’ve endured living here for a longer time than I expected. No matter how much I tried to run, my mother always holds me back.
“It’s okay, mother is here…”
She always repeats that.



Even though I said that I’m still living with my family, that’s not exactly like that. I’m studying in a university now, first degree in Mechanical Engineering. It is far away from home and I somehow feel relieved for that. Sometimes I didn’t go back to home and stay at my friend’s house when holiday.

However, my mother keeps calling me and wants me to go back home. Sometimes I feel like I want to take her to stay with me but she’s still has her own work to do. For not to hurt her feelings, I go back there sometimes, when I feel tired of having her phone calls buzzing me to go back to home.

Things don’t really change in home. My sister still has to take care of her children without her husband. They divorced two years ago. I myself don’t really like that man too. He puts too much sugar in his mouth. Simply say, he’s a big liar. I hate liars the most. My brother still living in his own life, even though he lives at that house, but he didn’t aware of anything that happened there. Otherwise, he’s selfish.

I’ve been suffered alone by watching other families live happily, protecting each other, eat together, laugh together, cry together. I keep it inside this heart. My heart has been broken since I’m still a small child. Until now, it will never be healed. 
It is because of him.

He is my father. The person that makes our family broke. He married another woman, almost leaving us abandoned. He just came home only to make us feel miserable. He married again, just after my birth. That’s why I become like that when I’m still young. I’ve known about that since I’m seven years old when my father introduced his daughter. She’s 2 years younger than me.

I never felt any pain larger than when I learned the truth. Every question inside my small child back then all has been answered. Why my father sometimes didn’t went home, why my sisters rebelled and sometimes didn’t came back home. Why, and why. Everything is like a lie. Before I learned the truth, I always love my father. I feel like he’s my hero even though sometimes he didn’t went home. My mother said he gone out working. I believed him. This small child always believed her father.

But not anymore. That little child Hana never wants to believe anyone anymore. Believing a person too much just to learn that I’ve been living in a lie is too painful to forget.

To be continued…

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Ahh, I feel like want to cry right now! But I don’t know how you’re feeling after reading this episode. Do let me know kayh! I really hope that this one should be a one-shot but I accidentally wrote this long so I will say that this one will be a not-too-long story. I’ll not promise anything so; just wait for the next episode!

Ja ne!

8 comments:

nur.sa said...

confirmed! akan tunggu next episode of hana's story.

Fina Sophie said...

been waiting for this..

and oh poor girl hana. it's because of her broken family kan. sedih. ada kena sikit dgn my story. antara beberapa story yang i wont talk about dlm blog sndiri.. kalau ckp pun, ckp yg hepi2 sj. about family. sobs.

well if i can't write about it myself, at least i can dig in to the depth of my own feeling thru ur writings. keep on :)

cKyN WaN said...

=(

sedihnye cerita.

Mummy Nana said...

Xpelah Hana.. anggap itu hanya satu dugaan dari Allah... tapi sesungguhnya setiap manusia pasti ada masalah tersendiri.. terpulang kepada mereka untuk menunjukkannya atau tidak.. xsemestinya luaran nampak gembira.. bermakna gembira keseluruhan hidupnya.. Kta kena redha dan tabah.. tapi at the same time berdoa dan berusha untuk mengubah nasib kita supaya xjadi benda yang sama..

Kimmy Ai said...

@Mummy Nana - that's a story.. not a real life experience.. do read the last episode on my label Kimmy Ai.

Anyway, thanks for your words..

;DDD

Kimmy Ai said...

@ Fina Sophie

hmm.. really? to put in a simple words, one's life has it's own colours.. always be happy.. ;DD

anyss said...

Hana,
Semua itu realiti hidup yang perlu kita harung. Ambil semua tu secara positif. Tahu apa lagi kelebihan bila ujian terlalu banyak sebegitu dalam hidup kita?

Bila kita dah berjaya harungi setiap tahap ujian itu, jiwa kita akan jadi lebih kuat, lebih kental, lebih tabah. Kekuatan itu akan bertambah lagi bila datang lagi ujian yang lain. Sampai pada satu tahap, kita akan dapati bahawa: waaaaaa kita dah berjaya hadapi begitu banyak ujian dan kita akan lebih bersyukur dengan setiap apa yang berjaya kita capai ketika itu.

pada masa itu juga kita akan dapati ada orang lain telah kalah dengan mudah, sedangkan ujian yang dia perlu harung itu sangat ringan berbanding apa yang pernah kita harung. Masa itu barulah kita benar-benar sedar bahawa kita dah berjaya "kuasai" diri sendiri agar tidak jatuh dan gagal. (semua ni dikongsi berdasarkan pengalaman saya sendiri)

Dah separuh kehidupan ni Hana dah berjaya harung sebab dah berjaya ke Uni seperti sekarang. Jadinya, teruskanlah berjuang untuk separuh lagi. bahagia tak akan datang bergolek...

r.k said...

everyone's life are indeed unique . at it makes everyone's life interesting ..

perfect is just a word . Keep continuing .. may Hana found the missing puzzles .